Joy.

So, a while back I wrote a review of ‘Dennis the Duckling’ about Dennis and his little sister from the pond moving to live with another family on the river.  And I have used this book with children I have worked with and watched their faces look up at me in realisation that they too have moved, and they too will be ok as they get used to things where they are.  But no matter how simple that may seem in a book or even a contained direct work session, real life is out there and it can be hard.  There is real pain that needs to be worked through and loss to be dealt with.  And help is needed to do so.  Unfortunately, while there are some amazing foster carers out there – it is not all ‘Anne of Green Gables’.  And there are not enough Matthew and Marillas or duck families!!

Anyway, the reason I am discussing this is that tonight, as part of the ‘Home for Good’ campaign (See previous blog post) I went to watch a show my Joy Carter.  She is a Comedian, originally from Nigeria and adopted by a White UK family.  She is working to promote the Home for Good Campaign to encourage Christians (from all walks of life) to consider Adopting or Fostering.  She arrived with her parents in a washing bowl and they were warned that she may only live a few weeks – but her father said it was worth it to have even a few weeks of love.  And her question, the Home for Good question, and my question is – do you think it is worth it? To care for those children in our society who need it the most.    Watching Joy perform tonight and know that in spite of all the positives in her life, there is still that loss and missing gap – but she was helped through this.

I want to encourage people to think about what they can do to help others through this, and provide a loving home.  I won’t pretend it’s always easy and there are many hurdles to jump.  But they are worth jumping and they need to be jumped – otherwise many thousands of children just remain on the other side of these hurdles.  Joy was funny (of course) tonight and in many ways inspirational in her wish to support Home for Good – starting with asking the church to stand up and fight to provide for these children.  So that was amazing.  And I am just now off to buy her story, along with other children adopted from overseas: ‘Chosen, Living with Adoption’.

But on the train back, my mind reeling with thoughts about adoption and fostering and when and why and who! I am still making my way through Krish Kandiah’s home for good book but there is one thing that stood out that I wanted to challenge you with, and which has been great learning for me in my job. That is the vulnerability and opportunity that young people approaching adolescence / teenager years present.  They are often not considered when thinking about adoption particularly but I want to challenge you to think about how we can care for teenagers in our society.  This is a passion for me.  Developmentally they are at a stage where they can be influenced and are looking for care while also testing out their independence.  Not  unlike a toddler in fact (think of those temper tantrums even – I know you can relate whether you were the one having them (like me) or on the receiving end).  They are insecure and they can attach and may be looking for something they didn’t have before.  The difference you can make for a young person a this time in their life is significant and should not be underestimated.  So think about it.

This quote from Krish’s book stood out to me and I will italic the bit that really got me thinking.  How lucky I am and how I have been ‘adopted’ by families throughout my life, particularly those times in late teenage years and early twenties when so many young people in care are left.  p63:

“Perhaps we need to challenge the assumption that nobody would come forward to adopt a troubled teen.  Without a family they will have nowhere to call home, not only for the last few years of dependency,  but for the rest of their lives.  Without a family they will have nowhere to go for their Christmas dinner.  No one to call if they end up in hospital.  No one to celebrate with them as they get a qualification or a new job,  No one to test for some advice on how long to leave a casserole in the oven.  No one to send a mother’s day card to.  No one to give them away at a wedding.  No one to present a grandchild to.”

He goes on…” For those of us who are feeling cautious about the practicalities of taking in a young child, it may be that offering a home to a teenager is a real possibility.  It may be that we could set a trend to show love and inclusion to a whole generation of children for whom homelessness and destitution are the path of least resistance.  This may be the biggest contribution the church could make today to change society, in one move relieving the foster care system, relieving the prisons, relieving the abortion clinics, relieving the mental health units, relieving the problem of homelessness.  The power of being set in a family is not to be underestimated.”

I’m not saying it is a quick fix or an easy decision – but I am saying, think about it, talk about it and share those thoughts with others.  And as a further note, maybe fostering and / or adoption isn’t for you.  There are still ways to help – Nightstop being one amazing way. Offer a teenager a home for even one night, or a couple of nights to prevent them being homeless.  This would be showing hospitality, and this is something we must always remember to do.

See their website for more info:  http://www.depaulnightstopuk.org/